About
Born: The Year of the Horse, 1978
This is the about me page.. where i tell you a little about myself. Where do I begin? where should i begin? What is it that you would find interesting that would leave you asking for More! more more!…
Uhhh….
Yeah. How do you summarize a lifetime of experiences.. feelings; actions; regrets; joys.. into a single page on the internet? You can’t… I guess that’s what the journal is for right? So i will resign myself here to tell you a story…
12/15/2003
It all began one hot August night… I came into the world; kicking and screaming. Memories began around age 3.. I remember walking around my neighborhood with my Great grandmother, who was pushing a baby stroller with my little sister in it. I remember helping said Great Grandmother mow the lawn. I also remember stepping on a fire ant hole, getting bit up and down my leg.. and hating Ants ever since.
We moved a little after that, and I spent a year or so living with one of my aunts (to go to school with my cousins). It was an interesting 2 years. Kindergarten consisted of going to class during the day, then hitting up KFC with my aunt in the afternoon before heading to pick up my brother and cousins from “real” school. First grade i hardly remember, except for the Nuns who were supposed to make sure we finished all our food.. (haha.. i was too sneaky for them, even at that age.)
I remember coming to my new house, excited that it had a pool! oh glory of glories..it had a pool. I spent the majority of my life living there. Going to catholic school every day; swimming when i had a chance, having fun with my cousins who would visit. Great Grandmother died in that house, I still think about it whenever i enter that room off to the corner of the house. I still remember it as the “last time i cried…” I remember that year, and the years after.. a flurry of family deaths… One after another toppling like dominoes. I cried then too… tears of the empty shell of a boy i once was.. a Machine.. putting on a display so he didnt stand out.
I remember losing faith, just as i entered High School. High School years were just a blur of emptiness and random emotion. No connection, no regrets, no worries. I took the day to day to just the minimal of existence. I was alive. barely. I also fell in love for the first time, a roller coaster of happiness and sadness all wrapped up in text on a screen. I loved a being i had never seen, or even heard… A being i will probably never see.
College began; hopeful and energetic. A new beginning, or so I had hoped. Bright eyed and bushy tailed i ventured hundreds of miles home to start anew. But i could not escape the demons of my life, as they did not live back in my humble beginnings; but within the very depths of my soul.
Another tormented soul i was, struggling to escape and capture the past at the same time. Redefining myself only to find that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. A iime of change. I fell in love, got hurt; hurt others and discovered someone I was not…. and in that process I was swept off my feet… but in my struggle to rise again I missed out on love that was right under my nose. It was then that i began to feel.. and my soul cried once again.
The Turning of the Tide
Then i defined myself.. not through he eyes of those around me, but through he eyes of my faith and belief in how my life should be. I peer out into the world of darkness and light, molding my reality to fit the truths of my heart. I fight epic battles in my head in the span of seconds, and drag simple skirmishes on through weeks of dreams.
My life is defined as a constant change, seeking to improve the life i lead and the lives of those around me. Attempting to share and learn. Seeking to give all that I am in order to free the truth inside.
A Machine.. struggling to be a Man once again.
10/22/04
Maybe its time for an update here? Its been over a year since many things that are going on began. a year since i came to my senses, a year since i realized i was too late to have the one i love, a year since i pulled the kinfe out of my back.
It has been a good year (all in all) i know there have been many downsides, depressing times. But there have been quite a few highlights and fun times. This upcoming year promises many more changes, and a lot more plot twists. Some doors once closed seem to have opened once again, while what seemed like endless hallways suddently came to a halt.
I’ve grown much over the past year; and i’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons. I’ve also found some parts of me i thought i had lost forever lying in wait deep beneith the shadows of my psyche.
so right now i’m a better man than i was yesterday; and tomorrow i will be even stronger..
Just keep swimming…
12/4/2006
Wow, life is very much different now. First i just switched over to Wordpress (something i had been meaning to do for some time) I find i have always had lots to say, but i havent been writing much lately. Some things that had been holding me back are diminishing and the voice within cries out to be heard..