Getting lost

Gaston: Lefou, Im afraid Ive been thinking…
Lefou: A dangerous pastime?
Gaston: I know.

Days off for me can be very productive; and dangerous at the same time. When i just sit there and veg out; i just exist- i’m relaxed and just there. No thinking nothing.
Then there are the times where i’m hyper productive; throwing myself into cleaning, organizing, doing something.
Then there is today; thrown into thought- trying to keep moving, productive..

One would think that times of reflection would center around some event; a Birthday, a holiday, a tragic happenstance. What about me? what kind of thing brings out the deep hidden emotions and thoughts that i’m trying to keep burried. The simple answer is Disney.
I grew up Disney, Disney was present at all my major life events. We celebrated birthdays, Anniversaries, Grades, with Disney. We drowned our sorrows in Disney. Disney kept me company those hot summer days when i was stuck at home. Disney kept me occupied when i laid in bed sick.

Today is no exception; While spending my time checking things off my list, i popped in a Disney movie to fill the silence. Before i knew it, the emotions started to flood out. I remember all the hope and dreams that Disney instilled into me. All the big ideas i had for my life; What has happened to me? Disney wraps up so many emotions into simple little packages- but how real can they become? At one point i used to think anything was possible- but right now i’m such a cynical.. and even a bitter old man.
Writing used to be the only repose i had, bringing these emotions and thoughts to life that i could not express any other way. Letting the words spill from the tips of my fingers onto the brightly lit screen.
What is my problem really? I dont know; life continues to feel so unsatisfying, unfufilled. I keep looking and reaching for something in the mist that i still cant seem to make out. Seriously, if i know what would make me happy i would go for it. I even should have nothing to complain about; I dont really have any real big problems. I have lots to live and love for. I have great friends, a good job and a place to live.
Well, enough of my word vomit; i should get back to work.