Time Passing

I find myself with an unusual amount of free time today. The stress and worry of school and graduating was quickly replaced with the stress and worry of bills and work (and Fanime).

Lately, however time seems to be more readily available; and i sit here in the dark living room, stretched out on the sofa- typing and chatting. This is a pasttime that used to be more the norm maybe 10 years ago. I used to spend more time in front of the computer; chatting, typing, playing games- than i did interacting with people. Now it seems that the computer and I have run into an impass; and i hardly sit down in front of it at all.

Perhaps its just the state of my life now? Things are both good and bad.. and life just is. I find that i grow tired tho. Tired of all the drama, the heartache, and the dissapointment. Its so easy to be discarded in the 1s and 0s of the internet.

I’ve come to the point that i think that is my delima. I have made so many friends online; They used to be my lifeline, my escape. Its just not enough anymore. I ahve grown accustomed to the personal interactions, i grew attached to everyones lives and their problems. However, without the face to face interaction i was once again discarded.

Lately i was wondering why i keep trying? I find myself in shadow- doing what i feel can help those that seem to need it. “heroes” complex? Maybe. I used to feel that i dont ask for anything in return; but lately i find that is incorrect. What i do want is so little tho;

Appreciation. . . is that too much to ask for? Why do i feel discarded once the “problem” i helped with is over?

*sigh* perhaps i’m overdramatic. Perhaps its just all for the best? It just sucks sometimes.