Breathe . . . release.
It annoys me that i know what i need to do to just live a more peaceful life, and yet i cant seem to do it.
Let it go.
I give the advice constantly, and i always think i’m listening to my own advice, but i find that its harder and harder. There seems to be so much just integrated into my psyche that its difficult to let the deamons out.
Im so competitive, and just.. angry, aggressive and bull headed. I’m always fighting being #2, trying to be #1. I need to win, i need to be ahead of the game. The more i try to just “Accept” things, it less and less motivated i am. Its not even that i’m addicted to power… i actually dislike having the fate of many people in the palms of my hands. What i’m really looking for is . . .
Having control of my own life.
So here i go again, trying to release my burdens. Trying to accept my fate, and yet understanding that my fate is in my own hands. I’m trying not to place blame, and trying not to mask envy and jealousy with rage and anger. Trying to accept that some people are just they way they are, I will never receive recogniton that i seek in their eyes, and i dont need it.