if you…

Posted by Grey on December 21st, 2006 filed in Family, Friends

“If you were to meet [this person] now, would they be the type of person you would want to be your friend? would you hang out with [them]?”

This is a line that my psychologist once told me in the midst of a long internal battle with myself. I felt like i wasted many years putting time and effort into a relationship that was well past the brink of destruction. I felt like i had to put more and more into it, just for the hope that a glimmer of what “used to be” would come about.

But then, with that question presented me i had to take a different look at my relationship– and that question often presents itself again and again as i grow and mature in my life. Yes, some relationships you cannot actually choose- but just because you are locked into one label, doesnt mean you have to be forced into others.

Right now, as seems to always be the case around this time, i find myself evaluating and re-evaluating the relationships that i have. The friendships, the companionships, the family that surround me on a constant basis. There are a number of people, that i’m forced to be around; but i have no intention or desire to have anything grow- anything beyond the straight faced, surface area; relationship that i continue to have.

My mom recently told me, “but its Christmas, the time of forgiveness” and realistically, yes that is true. However, with certain things- its not a matter of forgiveness (especially since i have done that already), its a matter of what more is there? Certain people have nothing more to offer me, they are on a life path that i choose not to be on, and have attitudes and morals that contradict with mine. I choose not to place myself into such an atmosphere and attitudes.

So i currently lay the groundwork to remove myself completely from the unwanted influences of my past. I regret very little of how i was brought up, and i have learned much from my experiences.

So goodbye to you.. you, and especially…

You.

Pretending that everything is fine, and ignoring all the advice, comments, and criticisms that have been given to you the past years doesnt mean that We are ok with it. Fuck you, i truely dispise your life and all that you seem to stand for.