Unwritten

I realized that i havent really written anything of significance here in a long time. It makes me feel kinda shallow; at least on this surface of my life. I’m here for the bad- but not for the good i suppose eh? Its a little strange for me, to share so much of my life here over the past number of years and to feel now.. that there really is not much to say (but really.. i know thats a lie.) Its more like, there really isnt much left to share. The trial and tribulations of my way former rocky relationship is behind me, and my life is prettymuch coming together.

I’m currently back in school; one more year to finish up my Graphic Design degree. I am living in San Francisco, and will continue to do so as long as it takes to finish and get out of here :) For the most part my family life is better than its been in a long time- i feel supported in my decision to go back to school, and my parents are helping out financially. My sister is still a great force in my life, along with Rosina and Ashley. Fanime is over, and i’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback as to how much better it was run this year (even tho i know we could still do a lot better).

so where am i now? like my sickness I feel like i’m on the cusp of everything just falling into place. I’ve been in this weird limbo between worrying and relaxing for weeks, maybe months now. I’m anxious to have my life move to the next level, but still wanting to take a slightly cautious route.

Bah, i hate when im on the cusp of getting sick; where you arent really “sick” yet, but you can feel it coming.. its more annoying than anything at this point. I feel like i want to thow up, but nothing.. I get some cold chills but not enough to totally knock me out.. and i cant sleep.

Happy Fathers Day Dad! And to all the fathers out there, i hope this is just a special day.

Alright, i’m done with classes (kinda) for my cheapass quick summer break! i get a few days to myself; then some Fanime stuff; then “vacay” :D yay!

You know.. i really am a non confrontational person; you wouldnt guess it with the amount of people i have eventually confronted; but still- i think i would rather let it be and let someone else handle it.

The only thing i have that is greater than my desire to avoid confrontation, is my desire to accept responsibility. Those two things battle me greatly… i find that things that just dont matter i let go- but things that i have a hand in; things that affect me, the way i work, or the people i am responsible for- i just cant let go. I do avoid it sometimes… i delay it.. i gather up enough steam; but i dont let go.

Sometimes i really hate being so observant… I also hate it when i put all the pieces together and finally form a clear image of someone; I just cant stand them afterwards (especially if the image is pretty foggy..)

bleh, maybe i really do just need some time away; but of course nobody really wants that to happen. Maybe i just need to get away from certain individuals? The ones that just suck the energy and fun out of every task; the ones that put up false smiles and think that nobody notices how two faced they really are.

Fuck, why do i always end up having to be the ones to deal with these people? Is it because i’m the only one who can lie well enough to get away with it?

Maybe i should have been a DEB then.. haha

Did you ever just wake up, and know that you were gonna be in a bad mood all day?

I toss and turn, listenin’ for the telephone….

ok, not exacly; but now that song is stuck in my head.

Lately i havent had much success sleeping. I’m up late, 3am or so; and my sleep hasnt been so great. Once i lay down, i start to feel stuffy and sick.. its weird :/ it lingers after i finally wake up for 30 minutes or so, then i feel fine the rest of the day. Allergies? something else? i dont know.. all i know is it makes me cranky, and these sleepless nights cant continue!

I’m probably going to try to schedule an appointment with the doctor; I figure i’m paying for medical, i might as well use it right?

Bah, So i finally took the time to try to get a clear picture of my finances… Daaamn. I’m fucked! So i spent a little money to purchase a financial planning program, i hope that i can figure something out. I have therefore applied to The Apple Store, as well as Kinkos, to supplement my.. nonexistant income.

FanimeCon is over! i’m happy and sad and happy and sad.. hee.. it was a very enlightening experience. I havent run anything this massive in a long time, and working out the kinks was not easy. I appreciate all the people who have come to me to tell me how good a job i did! (even tho i dont think i did a good job at all! there are so many things and ways to improve!)

thanks to everyone who came!