Restless Ramblings

I cant sleep… its fuckin 2am and i cant sleep; Funny– a couple years ago 2am would be when i’m just starting to get to sleep, oh wait.. that was just a couple of months ago that 2am would be a good time to sleep. Perhaps im just really begining to feel my age.. I sleep at 10.. I dunno, im just frustrated. I went to sleep 2 hours ago and all i did was toss and turn and yeah… Think.

My brain is so full of just.. thoughts. Its all surrounding things i cannot control- things that i know are up coming and just out of my hands. I have tried and tried to help lead things in the right directions, but somethings are just too far gone. How do you really tell someone who is your friend that they are doing a bad job? Especially when they are such worrysome persons in the first place? Bah; i know i can do it, and i know that “its all for the best” but it still sucks either way.

Then there are the other thoughts… classes, money, life, love… so much running through my head now that the worries of last quarter are gone. I’m ‘Free’ or so they say. Classes are over for now and i’m on a week’s vacay; Then its off for some R&R and spending time with those I care about.

Also time to try to check off more things in that every growing To-Do pile.. Update Blog, Check. Update Blog Layout, Hmmm… Clean Room, Hmmm…… Ah well.. lots to do, little time to do it?

It feels lonely in here tonight. My room seems so much darker tonight, the world seems like such a big place tonight. My bedroom feels like a planet all onto itself; apart from all that is around me. Here I am, me and my bedroom; floating in the empty abyss of space and time. Life catches up to me– and zips on by just as quickly as it came. Maybe im just out of touch with the ones i care about, maybe i just pulled myself away so that i can accomplish this school thing. Maybe lots of things…

“But who Mark are you?”

Im actually a little sad that i wont be taking onsite classes next quarter. Im afraid that the friendships that i’ve been forming will fade away somewhat. I feel like i’m going to end up falling behind. Perhaps? I dunno; Each end only prompts a new begining; and new beginings are still somewhat frightening for me. I both love and lothe routine and familiarity.

Perhaps im just bipolar?

Or perhaps there is really nothing wrong with me and this is just the way life is to be at this moment.

No day but today…