Unwritten

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waiting for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailing

Somewhere beyond the sea
She’s there watching for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her heart I’d go sailing

It’s far beyond the stars,
It’s near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon

We’ll meet beyond the shore
We’ll kiss just like before
Happy we will be beyond the sea
And never again I’ll go sailing

I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We’ll meet, I know we’ll meet beyond the shore
We’ll kiss just as before
Happy we will be beyond the sea
And never again I’ll go sailing

No more sailing
So long, so long, no more sailing

Good-bye, farewell my friend, no more sailing

So long sailing, no more sailing…

They keep calling me a short timer, it signifies that i’m in a mindset to be out of here. Its so true.. im so bored lately, just sitting here watching my job being done by someone else. My replacement is a good guy, very knowledgable and i’m sure that he’ll fit in just nicely here. That helps me a bit, knowing that i’m leaving my position in good hands.

So much has been changing lately, and i think its finally chatching up to me. I’m realizing the full power of what is going on with me. I’m leaving Davis. I’m begining a new life. I’m expanding my horizons. I’m growing.

My life is so much more open to the possibilities out there, and at the same time i’m choosing which direction i want to go. Yeah.. choosing. I think i know what i want, and i’m putting the energy to see where it takes me. It makes me so afraid tho, afraid of what i’m missing; afraid of what i could have been.

But i’m tired of living could have beens. I know that there are many things i’m missing out on, opportunities not choosen (as opposed to missed). Life comes around in circles, and if i dont break the cycles; who will?

Heh, i talk in riddles now; im just trying to understand the world that im finding myself living in. How much control do i really have over my own situation? Mmmn.. these days i have too much time on my hands.

Tomorrow i step into the heart of the Lion’s den..

“You are now the king of all the nerds” she said,

“I guess that makes you the queen?” I said.

“No.. i can be the princess…”

“Princess of all the nerds then!”

“So, you are still the king.”

Here i go, in a few days i will enter the lion’s den and see how i faire on the other side. It will really be a shock to me and to the others to see a side that is not normally known. I’m afraid and excited at the same time.

Really there are many sides to me that remain hidden till the moment they are needed arises. Its saddens me to think that i feel that the need truely has risen. My dream in life it so move smoothly along, keeping to my small circles and getting the job done. I mean, i did my job, and i did it DAMN well. nobody can take that feeling of accomplishment away from me. Many can complain, and many can criticize, but they know not the trials and tribulations that i have gone through, they only see the happy front that is placed before them. Really, its none of their damn business.

but Here i am, ready once again to place it all on the line. To rise above and hopefully take us in a new bolder direction. It will be a spectacular ride… not necessairly a success. But spectacular none the less.

I will be great; just as in FABLE i will be great… i will be a great hero, or a great Evil that is in need of vanquishing. Either way change will happen.

I leave you with this final quote.

“You are now the King of the nerds…”

Its tough being an “adult” it sucks ass really. I miss the carefree days where i was just a lackey.. another nameless face in the crowd; having fun… doing my thing. I miss the days of sleeping in late, watching TV, and skipping classes. I miss the free weekends, swimming in the pool.. hanging out with friends.

so much going on now; some i’m aware of… others just lurking right out of my vision. I know that i’m leaving much behind. I’m leaving my job at the end of the month, i’m leaving Davis around the same time. I’ve been settled… living here for the past 8 years; its been my home… my life; my love. Its so comfortable and yet i know there is so much more out there.

So much more out there that i’m excited and afraid of. I’m moving by leaps and bounds now; trying to catch up to where i feel i should be. Taking on so much responsibility, so much more crap and emotional distress. Its hard sticking out from the crowd; i’ll have followers and enemies. I’ll have lovers and haters.

I know i need to find my course and settle.. some parts of my life seem so set now and even that scares me. There are other roads that could be traveled; other lands to discover.

I leave this place soon, and the unanswered question continues to loom in my head, “Is this it?”

Fanime is over! Wooo..

But the next season is just begining. Its wonderful to see how much we’ve grown, and sad to see how we’ve grown out of certain things. Certain elements just dont seem to touch the hearts of the fans anymore, and some people just dont know how to let go (while others just dont know how to lead). Fanime has changed so much, and yet its still the same; We all are still human, we all still make mistakes; but the mistakes are so much more magnified now that there are so many people! We cant afford to let so much just go by, and we cant afford to pull off a convention by the skin of our hands…

Its going to hurt on so many levels for me personally, but next year will be different.