Unwritten

haha! after years of saying some random sappy stuff, ive been quoted on Rice Bowl Journals. :)

Man, i joined Rice Bowl Journals (RBJ) a long ass time ago.. i’m member #188.. but i finally got into the community aspect of it (the online forums) in october 2003, when i felt very depressed and lonely due to my mistakes with the girl i loved, and the turmoil with my former best friend. Amazingly, the random anticts and the good friends i’ve made there helped me get through that rough time in my life.

So double thanks go to you Rice Bowl Journals!

Yay! so the move over to my new webhost was almost seemless. I had to work on a few tricks to get things functioning correctly; but all in all it seems to be up and running! yay!

Closing time, open all the doors
And let you out into the world…

A legacy is ending… im moving my blog. For years its been hosted off Brent’s old relaiable Pentium 77 residing in the various rooms in my house (its currently in the hallway closet).. yes thats right.. a Pentium 75.. 75 MegaHertz.. ooo.. and to top it off it only has 4 Megabytes of Ram.. yessir! 4!

Its been up practically since i bougt the house. The only downtime it has seen is

1. During house upgrades
2. During power outages
3. During DSL downtimes
4. Whenever we accidentally tripped the circuit!

Its been a trustly little thing, even tho its CMOS battery is shot, and it forgets the time randomly..

I’ve moved over to Dreamhost… after years of running my own server, i find i hit the point of “why am i doing this?” i will definately get better speeds and a wider range of services by moving over. I even get to move over my email! Score!

so for those few readers of mine, service might be interrupted sometime in the near future when all the files and such are being moved over.

Yesterday and today have been a ball of unending frustration. So much to do; so little time… have i been slacking? maybe a little; but not to the extent in which i am pushed and pushed back. So many irresponsible people; so much “secrecy” and lack of communication. something needs to be done, and unfortunately it seems to rest in my area to pull things out and create the illustion of all things are fine.

I think its good that i stopped answering emails; or maybe not; i hope that i dont lose touch with the fanbase that i fight so hard for..

There once was a time where i walked out my front door every night to look up at the stars. I would spend each night wishing upon the stars…

I stopped doing that many months ago; realizing that i was wishing for something that would not happen… or maybe just something i realized i didnt want anymore.

Here is an old poem i found in one of my bound journals. I dont know when i wrote it, or even if there was a specific person in mind. Its roughed out and written in one sitting.

I find it a touching moment in my history; a soulful cry out to find that special someone. I wonder if the message has reached them?

I do not love you with my eyes.
My eyes can be deceived.

I do not love you with my ears.
Sounds can speak lies.

I do not love you with my hands.
What is felt can be manipulated.

I do not love you with my tongue;
Flavors can be synthesized.

I do not love you with my nose;
Smells can be masked.

I do not love you with my mind
My mind can lie to itself.

I do not love you with my heart;
My heart can be broken.

I do not love you with my body;
My body is a product of my culture, of my surroundings.

I DO love you… but not with any THING

I love you with what makes me me, what makes me breathe, what makes me thing, what makes me unique.
I love you with what cannot be influenced, cannot be persuaded, and cannot lie.
I love you with what cannot die…

My very essence.

I love you with my everlasting soul.

I guess maturity had to come to me sooner or later. I find myslef so much more open to the plight and the woes of the world than i used to be. I’m no longer necessarily “fighting the man” but trying to understand the ways of the world and the moral decline of the society i hold so dear.

Ive been a republican most of my life; probably mostly because of my family. I’ve never been a hard core republican tho; I believe in freedom of choice; I believe that as long as tobacco remains legal; so should Marijuana. I believe that people need to take responsibility for their own lives and stop trying to get the government involved in all the little aspects of your lives. I feel people who kill people and are caught should die. I feel people who kill people through their stupid actions should die, or spend the rest of their lives in a miserable Jail.

I believe that jails are too posh, and some of the inmates probably have a better life than I do. I believe that many people are rich because they worked damn hard to get there, and they shouldnt be punished by it. I believe that some people are in welfare because they are just lazy punkasses who feel they should be taken care of. I believe that poverty can be “cured” but only if the afflicted works hard to get there. I believe in a helping hand not a hand out.

I believe that parents are responsible for their children, and their children’s attitudes towards life is a direct reflection of their parent’s upbringing of them. I believe that TV is not a babysitter, and TV is not evil. I believe in the freedom to hold a gun, and shoot someone, and kill them.. to protect myself.. or just for kicks. I believe that i wouldnt actually do that; but i want the freedom to do it… I believe that if i was to shoot someone for fun; i should die.

I belive the government doesnt tell us everything. I believe that the media is fucked up; and makes a big deal out of the wrong things. I believe i want to see more “good stories” on the news. I believe i dont need to know there was another murder. I believe i want to see the help a food shelter gives to a community.

I believe i want to raise my children right. i belive that my children will have an advantage over children raised by TV. I belive my children will probably have a rougher childhood, but a better adulthood.

I believe i actually missed Talk Radio; and while i dont agree with all that is said; seeing it from another perspective really makes you think.

Fraud, Fake, Lies, Deceit…

he spins the web around him..

a web of darkness, a web of shadows and illusion.

Who does he protect…

locked within the shell of his outer self.

Inside the cocoon, warmed by the heat of his words.

Crying, pressing, screaming, yearning…

The inner self awakens, caught off guard..

Shields going down, energy waining.

What was the point…

hes lost, confused in a world he doesnt know

A world that doesnt know him…

What are the secrets worth protecting?

What are the lies that must be revealed…

Who is the child, awakening in the darkness…

What will the light reveal?

-will

I feel like such a fraud. I feel like i cling to the idea of “graphic design” like its some safety blanket that has kept me warm since infancy. In a way it has, it was my last desperate hope out of college… a glimpse of something that i may or may not be.

I wish i could draw, i compare myself to the “youth” of today; feeling inadequate, feeling like a slob. I feel as creative as a rock in the middle of a quary. How can i compete with such raw talent? Talent that only needs to be nurtured into something greater than what it can be.

I have a knack for spotting talent (i think) i see so much potential in people that its unbelievable (well i also see some lack of potential, but thats another story.) Its like i can catch a whif of the smell of success on people, and it makes me happy to be a part of that wonderful journey.

But where is my journey? I feel like i’ve always been a passenger watching life through the eyes of those around me. I’m a navigator, a confidant, a comrad. I’m the friend who cant bail you out of jail because i’m sitting there next to you. But in the end, it was all your idea… i’m just along for the ride.

Its hard for me to find fufillment in life; so much in me always wishes to put me down…

Mmn, thats enough for now.

Ah dang, well new homeworks got me so busy i forgot about my weekly creative writing exercise. Rather than call the whole thing a loss, i’m just going to do a quick poem tonight, and work on something for next week’s entry… So here it is.. a Poem; by me; done all here w/o any editing.

Poem Title

I pulled off the road in which i traveled.

pulled off and turned to look behind.

I watched as my past became unraveled.

watched the pieces of the grand design.

There were pieces that were made of pure white.

were pieces that were dull and grey.

I noticed the shadows with their dark might.

Noticed it stalking me, its innocent prey.

I knew i was ready to leave that all behind.

knew it was time to look ahead.

I leave myself open to what i might find.

Hopefully a place, with a nice warm bed.

-will

Haha.. this was funny o.o; I used Rhymezone.com to help me with my rhymes.