The wonders never cease

It has been an interesting last week. Many surprises to say the least… haha. My life is taking some weird turns now; and i’m really scared of where im heading. Some parts feel as if i’m moving on, otheres feel like im falling behind. i know that some goals in life require you to take a step or two backwards in order to really move forward, but these steps seem like admiting failure.. (something i have much trouble with)

What is up with all that? i cant even seem to take my own advice; or perhaps its because i dont seem to have a “me” in my life… someone like me who is able to get me to see things in a different light. Or maybe i’m just a Stuborn little punk who refuses to really listen to the advice that is given him.

I dont know, but i can tell for sure that im scared; scared of making more mistakes, scared of committing myself to things that i wont be able to change, scared to have the best years falling behind me.

Its like as i try to leave things behind, they come back to me, trying to hold onto me… Maybe im just not ready to let go… maybe i just cant see things for what they are today as opposed to what they were yesterday. So much learning still to go on in my head.. so much acceptance of change. change from the outside and from the inside.

Who the fuck am i now?