Unwritten

Im Moody again.. which goes to add to yet another “theres a male PMS” theory. It does seem to get me at least once a month, but every few months theres a big influx of randomness and foggyness in my brain.

But sitting here at this moment.. maybe its not a foggyness; perhaps its a clarity of thought that rides through the darkness of my mind. I can feel it always building.. these long drawn out times of moodyness. I feel the primal rages building within my heart and soul. I feel the bloodlust, the anger, the will to do harm upon those who oppose me. I feel the eyes of those around me, staring; judging me. I feel the eyes of the world taking a second glance at me, watching for my failure to shine through. Im reminded of all that has gone wrong..

I sence the stench of betrayal wafting to my nose till i cannot take much more. Perhaps its the betrayal of others to me.. or even the stench of my own betrayal yet to come. I sense the dirty and the grime all around me, I feel the need to shower over and over, trying to rid myself of the dirt of human nature. At these times i see the darkness of the souls of those around me, and in doing so they taint my black heart even more.

Maybe im afraid.. ok; no maybes about it. There comes a time when one must question those things he holds dear. A time when they must re-evaluate those things that have become familuar… routine. I have come to hold the following quote as a reflection of my life..:

In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.-Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

Maybe it be better if i just shut myself away when i feel this way… it would probably be for the best.