Release Me
Hmm, i know i dont have many private entries.. but this will be pretty personal.
Once upon a time i felt i knew who the one was…
Then came along someone else..
then someone else..
Young love is so fickle.. i suppose. I try to compare how i feel now to how i felt when i was younger and i cant seem to find much difference. Sure, how i act is different; but what i feel inside.. doesnt change.
I still love those who have come before.. Their names echo in my thoughts.
Carmelyn Mamaril… The first i felt i really connected to. We spent many long hours online chatting and just talking. My average sleep time in HS was 3-4am.. We’d talk for hours… Now i cant seem to remember what we talked about.. except that it was good. I remember the first time we spoke on the phone; i waited anxiously by my phone in my single dorm room. We talked for a long time too..
I cant remember her voice.. nor can i picture her face in my head (we never met face to face..)
Then there was Milly Shiu. She brought me out of a funk and “taught” me how to be a man. As much a mistake this was, it was right for me at the time. She tried to teach me her way, and in accepting her way as law, i lost track of myself. There was NOTHING she could teach me that i hadnt the ability to learn on my own, but my laziness was my downfall. She did help me break out of my routine tho, and through my mistakes i learned a lot. She wasnt intentionally a bad person for me, but our match-up was forced at best.
But her betrayal was unexpected.
Along came Rosina, unfortunately in the middle of the above debacle. She didnt know, and I didnt know the effect my life with Milly had on me. I thought it was over, but her grasp was far reaching and soon i felt her fingers at my throat. Things i could have prevented happened, and in the end Rosina and I fell.
More her than me, and my betrayal was.. unexpected.
I still love all three, and their role in my life is only vaguely defined with these words of black. I woudnt be who i am without their influences. And as the last hope of recovery with Rosina trickles down the drain of my life, i look forward to possibilities of the future.. and one hope springs eternal.
This one, will be the one.