Another Odd Year

I have a right to my anger, and I don’t want anybody telling me I shouldn’t be, that it’s not nice to be, and that something’s wrong with me because I get angry. Maxine Waters

So here it is, the standard closing to the year is arriving. 3 hours to go and i sit here in the house i grew up in. Some things never change do they? Mantha and i sit around doing “work” waiting around for the aunties and cousins to arrive. We will all be seperated; everyone doing their own little thing till someone starts to yell, “Come on.. its almost here..” We will all run to the TV room, peer at the TV as the time begins to count down. About 30 seconds to midnight we will all scatter; each to their pre assigned rooms. At midnight all the doors and windows will fly open, and hopefully fling from these walls the stale air of the past. We will scream at the top of our lungs out into the night air and all run back together. We will hug; we will kiss.. and for a brief moment we will be a family.

Night will wain on, we will gather around the table and eat, we will talk and slowly go off to bed. In the morning it will all begin again; New Years is more a symbolic thing anyways… a moment when the family pretends all is fine. A split second of forgetfulness. Really the begining of 2005 will be the same. Everything will be remembered, and people will return to the way things were.

I know i will be the same. The addition of 1 to the year doesnt change how people treated me last year. It will not wipe clean the slate that has been tarnished after years of abuse and neglect. I will still love the ones i love, i will still hate the ones i hate; and that split moment in time will be nothing but an act i have put on for many years.

I look forward to the coming year. Another year closer to my ultimate goal; another year passing in which to change and discover. A Year to take changes, a year to stay the same. So much seems to be riding on the coming 365 days.

As for resolutions… i have a few. I promise to forgive those who seek forgiveness and mean it; i promise to change where i need to change; I promise to learn from the mistakes of my past and present; I promise to love where my heart tells me to love.

Happy New Year everyone.