Christmas.. Christmas

time is here… :)

Christmas is a time of peace and forgiveness and rebirth.. blah blah blah. Unfortunately not enough people take the change to shed off the burdens of their past and keep a tight leash on the anchors that pull them to the bottom of the dark abyss. I find myself hanging off a cliff of change and new life. If i continue to climb, what waits for me at the top may not be what it seems to be, but if i start to climb down i know what waits for me there is a life i do not wish to lead anymore.

so i find myself struggling to climb. I know that i wish to take the chances and find my new life; but so many obsticales keep appearing, some real… some imaginary.

One of my biggest character flaws is the fear of success; when things seem to be going good i find that i need to locate some fault, some detail that i was missing. I’m so afraid that something is waiting in the shadows to pounce that i try to flood everything with deep burning lights. I try to find fault in all that there is, when in reality there is nothing amiss.

Fear still holds me at bay, its strength continues to waine; but i know there is still a fierce battle to come. I pray that the risks i have the chance to take in the coming year will teach me much about myself.