Unwritten

Oh yeah! so Happy Birthday to my mom! She stopped counting how old she was a number of years ago, but this Sunday Mantha threw her a surprise party to end all surprise parties (at least for my family.) A year in planning and lots of near broken nerves, She pulled off one kick ass party! haha.

But for me it was a revelation in a different tone. I met up with some aunts and uncles that i havent seen in ages, along with some cousins that had dropped off my radar screen. I was bombarded with many questions like, “Why dont you Call? howcome you dont visit?” While i was a little saddened to know that i contributed to losing some touch; i also realized a very important fact.

I never called nor visited when i lived down there.

So i began to wonder why… why these relatives felt like i’m specifically not calling or visiting them, when even as a teenager living at home i rarely saw them. Did they expect i would change and suddenly start calling home and sending out emails to all my cousins wondering what was going on?

I know i’ve changed a lot in the number of years since i left, but unfortunately staying in contact with the people of my past seems to not have been one of those changes. Not that i dont think of them, but i can either 1) never get up the nerve to call/write or 2) Have no idea what to say to them in the first place.

Really, i’ve never been much of a phone person. I find myself using text messaging more often thatn i use the minutes on my cell phone. My primary means of communication remains AIM. Why? i dont know.. phone phobia? I really dispise having to ask someone to repeat themselves because of poor quality phone line. I also dont seem to like the sound of my voice; so thats a reason too.

But all in all, i’m a computer geek. I type better and faster than i speak. The pathway from my brain to my fingers is more efficent than the pathway from brain to mouth. The pathway from brain to mouth is full of so much doubt and worry and second guessing that it becomes more of a challenge to say anything correctly.

Anyways, i digress.. I dont know really what to do. Calling people out of the blue just to call isnt in my personality. It doesnt mean i dont think of you or care.