Unwritten

Alas, here i am.. im back at the ol’ desk chugging away at the compuer to earn my measly dolla. WTF happened to me? haha.

The much needed vacation is over, and much has changed in the span of one week. Paradise was fun to visit; and while there are more than enough reasons for me to just pack up and move my ass over to Maui, my psyche (as well as my ego) is too enormous to be contained by the waters of the islands. Many relizations occured just by breaking the normal day to day habits i had grown accustomed to. Even my discussion in therapy the day after i came back felt different.

So much of my life had been routine, and the vacation was the final straw to break it. Unfortunately collateral damage has Occured and i’m gonna be paying for it; but forcing me to face the world and fall is the only way i can find my way to stand up tall once again… I didnt realize that so much of my life just teetered on the brink of disaster.. and even now; with the disasters occuring… i find myelf at peace and while concerned; not worried (yet) Which is surprising since i find myself almost 1K overdrawn on my checking account at this very moment..

Work sucks.. i hate it. I love the people but the job itself is very empty. I feel no fufillment at working my ass off for these ungrateful incompetant psychologists who think that the world revolves around them (there are exceptions mind you, but not enough to make a difference in MY life..) Bleh; im sure they are good at their job, or at least competant there… but social skills and interactions with co-workers need much to be desired. Many of them are just self-centered assholes.

As scared I am of moving on and being jobless and penniless next year, im looking forward to it. I wonder what my mom will say when i finally get the guts to tell her that i cant afford to pay for Grad school and that i will need major help.. I also wonder what she’ll say if i end up telling her that my Design Degree already put me in the hole almost 20K and im still struggling to pay that off, along with my student loans and what not…

Ah well, life changes… things change and we wait to see what happens. Its part of who i am.. i take needless risks and find the greatest rewards. I love with all my heart and hate with all my soul. I worry, i freak out, and i overthink.

And tomorrow is another day.

To those that matter, I love you; and if i havent shown it lately… i will eventually.

Okay, well im sitting here in Honolulu Terminal; Gate 25… waiting for my flight which will be leaving in about an hour and a half. It was a pretty cool vacation :) Unfortunately… im all sore now from snorkling and i think i got a cold from the random rain storms! Ah; so much to do.. I wish i could have stayed a month or so.. but even with that length of time i doubt i would hit all the things that i could have

Im excited to go back home tho.. Halo 2 awaits me! Muhaha! and i hope that the week of rest and fun will help me be a little more.. hmml; whats the word im looking for…! Ah! CALM at work :) I know ive been edgy and well just plain irritable lately..

Damn :( My hawaiian vacation is coming to a close. Tomorrow is a day of “rest” then i fly out of paradise back to California on Wednesday morning. Its sad and good at the same time.. running out of things to do on the island (ok.. thats a lie.. more like running out of things i can afford to do!)

Im definately not looking forward to returning to work. Its been great just sitting around the house sometimes, waking up late, and going on random trips to town and around the island.

Anyways; as a brief summary; i went on a cool Helicopter trip around the island, then took a van back to town. Then i watched Ashley’s play ‘Anything Goes’ it was fantabulous; i could hardly believe that all but one of the cast members were in High School. Afterwards i watched U’lelena a musical show that illustrates a “artistic vision” of Hawaii’s history. I then made it to the closing night of the play, and somehow got wrangled into helping out with concessions and cleanup. Today i took a boat out to a very scenic area and went snorkling around; it was awesome :)

ah well, my internet time is coming to an end..

Some of the most annoying people are the ones who are so self centered that they are completly inconsiderate of the people around them. They never consider the consequences or the effect their decisions have on other people’s lives. They just think they are “free” and can do whatever they want and that their activities have no bearing on the freedoms of others.

so yes.. it is 2 am and while its roughtly my normal bedtime i find myself unable to sleep.

But oh well.. in a few hours i’ll be in the air heading on a vacation; I can leave the annoyances of home behind for a week and enjoy the vacation that i earned.

I don’t expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses… I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death—if you aren’t as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach.” - Severus Snape

No seriously this time.. its MY vacation (since im going Solo!) Im both excited and a little anxious about it. it will mark my frist time going on a vacation solo. Its a pretty cool idea, and i’m going to meet some friends there so i wont be completely alone :-D

It will be good, it think its a great opportunity to meet new people and experience a new place without worrying about meeting other people’s expectations or wants for the trip. This trip is all about me baaby :)

So i’ll see you next week; my break is Wednesday to Wednesday..

Here is a fun game that Tammy sent me :)

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/chasm.html

Its such a sad sad state of affairs that the US is in now.. Not because George W Bush was elected for a second term, but because of the way people are reacting to it. Granted, you have the right to be sad that your side didnt win, but hello… it was a huge election… it was really close. There was such a huge voter turnout… why not celebrate the fact that america has really spoken this time. And America has choosen the path that it wishes to go.

Heres a great quote from South Park: “Half the kids in the class didn’t vote for your nephew. What about them? You don’t give a crap about them because they aren’t on your side. People like you preach tolerance and openmindedness all the time but when it comes to middle America you think we’re all evil and stupid country yokels who need your political alignment. Just because you’re on TV doesn’t mean you know crap about the government.” — Mr. Garrison yelling at Rosie O’Donnell

I just dont get it, people complain so much that nothing will ever get done. Why cant we all accept that Kerry didnt win, lets work with what we got to try to help boost the United States. No matter who you supported we all seem to agree that the US isnt in a good place.

Frankly, i’m definately a republican.. but i’m glad that i have better role models than George W Bush. I’d like to see more of the republican party leaning more towards the ideals of.. yes.. the Govenator, Arnold schwarzenegger (i had to Google to spell his name.. haha). He made a point not to focus on the presidental elections and wanted to put all his focus on the California economy and its political agenda. He is also not afraid to go against the “Republical National party” but stick to its major ideals and basic principles.

Anyways, i just find it sad that even tho my party won; i still feel sad. Instead of people going, “we tried…” i hear “conspiracy! conspiracy!” and “Lets split off from those hicks in the south..” Its a sad state of affairs…

Every thing that is worth it requires a lot of time and commitment.. baby steps i tell myself; i cannot expect things to turn around overnight. Baby steps… Even the smallest step in the right direction is progress and deserves the credit that its due.

Baby Steps.