Stop… pay toll.
When it began.. I had nothing to say, it really was a fairly new feeling to be looking forward to my birthday (even tho it was only a day or so in advance.. it was weird.) I kept wondering why i had held onto it for so long.. and a possible answer came to me in a conversation with Rosina the other day.
Validation… something my therapist and I touch on during many sessions. It didnt really matter that my reasons for dislinking my birthday were well.. silly and outdated; But the fact that manypeople shrugged it off or just laughed and humored me didnt help my self image at all. It felt too much like the times when i was growing up, and my aunts and cousins filled me with excuse after excuse as to why they couldnt be around during my birthday… Simply put, i felt unimportant.
So while back then, my anger and frustration was fresh. Those same feelings remained through my College days because i was treated the same. Only one of my friends ever really listened to me rant about it, and only one person respected my foolish wishes to be left alone; And it was weird, finally feeling like i was heard, finally being able to move past this roadblock that was holding me in place… Finally able to look past the frustration and see what it really was.
I wonder what other blockages still need to be cleared.