The Dangers of being me.

Sometimes i feel like I never get a break. Right when i let my guard down and just try to live life, try to help people i care about.. something seems to come back and bite me. Someone sees something, takes it the wrong way and goes off… Sometimes i feel like living life is such a big risk.. like i could never really just let myself be me, because there will always be people out there who are offended, who do not understand, who dont want to listen to me or even take the time to figure out what is going on?

For a time, each incident would push me futher and futher into my hermitdom. Such a sad place to be, all alone. I would peek out every once in a while just to get myself swiped at.. But not anymore.

I’m scared, oh yeah.. definately scared of what being myself can bring about. I shudder to think how close to the brink of disaster i’ve come, how many times i seem to be hanging on by a thread. Its been so hard to trust.. to trust myself and to trust others. I find is so difficult; even knowing fully that i did nothing wrong… to believe in myself and my right to do the things i want to.

Its hard.. i cannot blame them sometimes. I know i’m not what you would call “typical” I seem to follow my own road in many things. how could they understand? especially when they dont take the time to know me, or when i just dont care to know them?

Bleh, i could go on.. but right now i feel very closed off and alone. I need to gather my strength back and let current events blow over. I need a vacation.