Selective Memory
Everyone has their own coping methods. For my family it seems to be selective memory; especially when it deals with things in the past that have hurt us deeply. Im sure many people practice it; you do your best to erase the pain by removing refrences to it, pictures.. postcards.. songs.. letters… we remove refrences to the truth so that all we have left is the lie that resides in our head.
Fortunately (yes, i did say fortunately) subconsciously i would rather have the truth, and i plant clues for myself to find them once again. When im ready my own curious nature leads me back to the discovery of the truth. Sometimes its a good discovery, sometimes its bad. Either way i find myself reliving the moments, the pain, and the joys.
Today was a discovery. Coming across things i thought were long gone; clues triggered by a single moment in time which lead to a waterfall of discovery. How could i forget?.. or more how was i able to fool myself into blocking these things off… how could i forget those looks on my face; the ones of sheer terror and happiness rolled into one. How happy i was then, and how happy i will be once again.
When im ready, these things will come. I’m more sure of it now more than ever.