Unwritten

So after my post, i was “thinking” in the bathroom when i looked down at my magazine rack. There in bright yellow letters on the cover of my Readers Digest: The Power of Forgiving.

One of the pull quotes..

How to find Peace
• Focus on the facts of the offense.
• Dont condone it, but try to understand what led to it.
• Explore your true feelings about it. Try not to take it personally; you aren’t the only one to ever get hurt.
• Focus on the offender’s humanity. not just his/her hurtful behavior
• Forgive for yourself, not anyone else. And forgive your heart. You needn’t tell the offender.

I still have problems letting go. Releasing the deamons in my head that are holding me back. i know i’m doing it to myself.. and i know i really have no right to ask for forgiveness myself when i cant seem to forgive some people in my life.

But in that statement is the difference. I’m asking for it… I think i recognize the mistakes i’ve made and i’m asking for forgiveness, I want to make amends for my mistakes; Some people in my life… i dont see that. I dont see that they even recognize the pain that they have brought down on me.. and those are the people i cant seem to forgive.

I know whats best for me. I know i need to find some way to let these pains go. Reading my last post illustrates the bulk of what i need to let go of. I know ive tried it before and didnt get so far. But all i can do is keep trying. So here i go.

• I forgive you for dropping me and sending me to the hospital
• I forgive you for lying to me all those years about the basis of our relationship
• I forgive you for taking advantage of our relationship and charging me for letting you charge things for me
• I forgive you for overcharging me, and trying to play off your own purchases as mine when you “did the bills
• I forgive you for all those times you forgot about us, for the times you dropped us at a moments notice for your “friends” and your “frat”
• I forgive you for your “flings”
• I forgive you for your last thought as we last parted ways being, “you want to give me the money now?”
• I forgive you for letting me lose faith, and stop believing when you said you would come home, or take us out.
• I forgive you for shattering the window behind me and caring more about getting in trouble than the fact that you could have killed me. I forgive you for the bike accident and the scar on my side too..
• I forgive you for all those years you made me believe it was all my fault, when it wasnt.
• I forgive you for tricking me into visiting only to have me fix your computer, or work in your yard.
• I forgive you for packing pounds of white powder into my things to hide them from customs
• I forgive you for sending things that were mine to the Philippines promising to replace them, and never doing so.
• I forgive you for making me work or visit cousins when i wanted to go hang out with my friends..
• I forgive you for the things i have burred so deep it will take me years to uncover them again…

I pray that these anchors which hold me down can be lifted.