Unwritten

After reading some other letters… i realized there is one more person i wish to set free…

Adam,
How do i start? How did it end.. as suddenly as it started, yet years in the making. We were great friends, as close to a best friend that I had at the time. You were a confidant.. a companion.
We played together, across the various mucks our characters managed to be friends. By some accounts through our characters, you were my first “relationship” I still believe that i learned a lot of the mental strains and needs required of a relationship. I learned a lot, how to laugh; the importance of family.. communication… love.
Many nights i chatted with you, working out our family… talking in Real lives and in Virtual lives. I could go on and on about what it was like… how happy i was those few moments where we escaped into a weird world of our mind and text. I was free from the troubles of my school, my parents, my worries.
I remember when i first found out. Sickle Cell disease. I researched for a long time, learning about it.. what it did. .how.. why. Thats when i first found out you were.. well african american. not that your race mattered, but RL was slowly sinking into my virtual life.
For a long time it didnt really matter… I remember days where you were not online. Why didnt i realize what was really happening?
Even now i distract myself while writing this… I dont really want to think about it. I remember when.. When i found out you had died. It was the one and only time sebastian and I spoke on the phone. I remember wandering around the block, over and over and over again. Did you see me? My worst nightmares confirmed… it had been over a week since you died. Nobody knew, God knows how sebastian found out. I didnt even cry.. or did i? I cant really remember. I know that i havent Mucked very much since then… My heart just wasnt in it anymore. My characters slowly faded into nothingness; I wonder if anyone realized i was gone? just as nobody seem to realize you were gone. There we were.. two anonymous beings logged into a virtual world; our silent departures, noticed by nobody.
how long ago was that? Years now… the exact date i cant remember. Had i known, I wish to believe that i would have flown out to attend your funeral; If just for the chance to see your face and share with your family the heartache i felt inside. You taught me much, and your death made me fear my own fate. the dangers of no connections, no trace… no memory of my existence. You shared my worries and my pains, you gave me advice on relationships and life… We shared intimate moments and had a blast doing it.
Here I am now, Wondering if you felt the same as me, wondering if you watch over me from time to time. Sebastian has a girlfriend now, did you know that? He contacted me out to tell me.. to share his new joy with his “mama” haha. the three of us were quite a trio… connections nobody will ever understand.
I miss you. And in my own way… through the sexless, ageless, faceless internet. I loved you as well.
Rest in Peace.
-Skuld