The Third Letter…

Nall,
Are you dead? It happened so many years ago; to a different me… I still dont know the result. You threatened, you hemmed and hawed and yelled and threatened to kill yourself… then you vanished from my life. I never knew for sure; I can feel that you didnt do it… that your bluff was called and you could no longer face the reality of it all. However, that feeling… the small percent chance that you could have really done it; remains.
How long ago was it? what even lead up to it? I was your friend, but at the same time I wasnt. I was pretty two faced back then; at least online. So many different personalities. I did care about you at one time… before all that shit happened to you. Before i stopped believing your stories; the tragedies of your life. I’m still not sure if that story of your former GF ditching you somewhere in europe is true or not. I’m still not sure that you really lived in Florida, or worked at Kinkos.
All i’m sure is that.. somewhere along the lines you became very…. insane. And i found myself distancing myself away from you more and more. Memory fails me as to what lead to the final stand… I remember you blaming me for your computer problems, for your failed relationships with others, for your psychotic attitude and the fact that nobody seemed to want to hang out or talk with you anymore.
Then i remember you saying you were going to kill yourself. I remember you telling me that if I wasnt going to care, that it wasnt worth living. I remember feeling guilty, feeling sad… but i remember that i didnt want to cave. It was hard to decide, hard to belive if you were going to do it or not…. In the end i held my ground. I chatted with the Wizzes.. with my friends.. and they gave me strength. In the end you logged out of the MUCK, and out of my life.
I vaguely remember something about Sensei telling me you were still around certain places… but it seems so foggy that it could have easily been a dream of sorts. On occasion i think about what happened to you… where did you go? I wonder if what I did was right. If in the end i helped you move on or if i held you back. I wonder about many many things.
That day slowly fades into my memory. The person i was then has long since gone. I hope that you are still alive somewhere, living a better life.

Skuldi